Saturday, August 15, 2009

The Illusion of Control

I'll be perfectly honest; I don't like to be away from my family. I am a much better person when I am around my wonderful wife. There is a great line in the movie "As Good as it Gets" when Jack Nicholson tells Helen Hunt, "You make me want to be a better person."; I truly feel that way about Jennifer. However, even more than that, I want to feel that way about God. Because God is Holy and He has paid my sin debt, I should want to be a better person because of what He has done. I know there is nothing I can do to earn His love or merit salvation, but I should want to be a better person; to be conformed to the image of His Son Jesus (Romans 8:29) because of what He has done for me. I truly want this, and I want my life to exemplify this lifestyle but I am a bit like the father in Mark 9:24, "I believe, but help my unbelief." I trust you God, but help me trust you more. I want to be a better person for you, help me be a better get the idea.
So, what does this have with control? Everything...because it is only when I realize I cannot control anything, and I need to give everything to God anyway, that I truly realize that it is only through and by His power I can do anything anyway.
I still don't like to be away from my family and I will miss them while I am away; but I know that whether I am in the next room or 1/2 way around the world I still can't control what happens to them or me. God is in control anyway and the more I realize that, the easier it is to truly trust Him. I teach the children in my ministry, "I can trust God no matter what." These next 10 days will be about putting my words, and faith, into practice.
Hopefully I will be able to post from Hong Kong, if it's the Lord's will.
Your fellow servant,

1 comment:

  1. Pastor H...this seriously brought me to tears. Thanks for sharing your heart and love for your beautiful wife, family and mostly for your love and devotion to the Lord. I have to say I am so moved by people who sacrifice so much to share the Word of God to places like India. Being from India and serving the Lord in India myself, it's very moving to see your pictures and to see and know that the Lord is going to use u and the team in mighty ways!

    As I was reading your blog...I can't help but feel a tug on my heart and desire to someday return to India to serve my Jesus and my people in some capacity.

    You have made such an amazing impact on Isabelle's life as the children's pastor at SouthWest and I know the people you have contact with in India will feel the same! My daughter Isabelle and I have been praying for you and you've been in our thoughts.

    I am amazed at how much people from third world countries do and give to perfect strangers. When I was on my own missions trips I always felt "at home, away from home."

    I recall being in India in 1999 and I had the wonderful opportunity to serve at an all girls orphanage, Ramabi Mukti Mission. I had the privilege of meeting the orphan girl who my parents had been supporting for over 10 years. I remember building such a bond and connection with Esther who was 17 years old when I met her. Each day I was there, she always wanted to spend time with me and I with her. The girls had very, very little to call their own at the orphanage and the only thing which was so precious to Esther, were her silver hoop earrings. My last day at the orphanage Esther took her earrings off and she so humbly and graciously gave them to me with tears in her eyes and asked that I accept her earrings as a gift of her love for me and she asked that this gift help me to not forget her. I wear those silver hoop earrings virtually everyday as a reminder of Esther's love for me, her love for Jesus and how she and I built such a bond with one another. The only thing she had that was worth any type of monetary value for herself, she gave it to me. I was completely humbled and felt so ashamed of my selfish life. The Lord broke me and I am FOREVER changed because of Esther.

    I know this experience in India will be amazing for you as it was for me.

    Praise the Lord.

    Nita Smith~
    SWCC member